There are differences between men and women! An article that gives communication skills, helping you understand men and women differences and how to communicate better and be a better communicator!
Men and women differences – communication skills
I against my better judgement am setting out to reveal some secrets about men that will perhaps help women understand why the cricket is so much more important than whatever it is you are trying to say. Here goes…
Women have been said to speak approximately 20,000 words per day while men only 7,000. This statistic has been widely accepted as truth and it has given comedians the world over unlimited material to fill their shows.
One of my personal favorites is this one: “Getting a word in edgewise when two women are talking is like trying to thread a sewing machine while the motor is running”. Hilarious! Unfortunately the science is flawed. The notion that women talk more than men is today regarded as a myth. It was originally made popular by Louann Brizendine when she wrote a book entitled “The Female Brain”. She revealed some time after the book was published that the numbers came from an “unreliable” study. Subsequent studies have suggested that in fact men and women share an average of about 16,000 words per day each! Fancy that, men talk as much as women! So if we all speak the same amount of words in a day –
Why is communication so difficult between men and women in relationships?
It’s true that men and women are fundamentally different but it’s never more starkly polarised than when you look at how men and women deal with problems and how they communicate those problems. I could spend the remainder of this article telling witty anecdotes about everyday communication between men and women but I want to focus on how men deal with problems which will hopefully give you a further understanding of why he wont open up to you and why he would rather watch cricket or some other sport!
Does this conversation sound familiar?
Roslyn: “We’re going to the shops today because we need X, Y and Z, then we’re going here to get this and then there to get that, ok?”
Mark: “Sure thing babe, and by the way you’re beautiful and I love you”.
We then get in the car mere hours later…
Mark: “So, where are we headed?”
Roslyn: “To the shops”
Roslyn: “I told you all this before if you had bothered to listen! I hate having to tell you everything twice!”
Are men like this because what you say is boring to us? No way ladies we simply crave the headlines. If you give us too much detail we get all lost and confused.
All we really need to know is “You. Me. Shops. Today”. That’s almost too much for one sitting!
Women are great multi taskers while men specialize in linear thought or simply put; one thing at a time!
From my experience women are adept at having numerous conversations at once; I have witnessed conversations between groups of women that have traversed innumerable topics in the course of only a few minutes! It’s a phenomenon!
When I want to share with my wife the things that are bothering me about work or some other issue I’m dealing with, often in a busy family life we will have these discussions whenever there is a spare moment, I have discovered that my multi-tasking wife can do about three other things at the same time as listening to me.
It annoys me because I feel like she’s not interested unless she gives me her undivided attention. (One thing at a time). She’s annoyed because she has to stop what she’s doing to listen when she knows full well that she could have completed six other jobs during that time. (Multi-tasking). I try to have these conversations during a time when she doesn’t need to be doing all the other things so she can look me in the eye and non-verbally communicate that she is listening.
Even though I understand that she can multi task I still feel like she’s not interested if she’s not giving me her focused attention.
Be careful you don’t silently make him feel that you’re not interested or he may stop communicating the important things altogether.
Men have a lot of hidden worries that they don’t share with other people. Those hidden thoughts can sometimes take up a lot of mental space so when seemingly irrelevant details come through the filter they are discarded.
Men and women differences
It’s not that we don’t listen to you, we really do, oftentimes there are other issues going on inside us and we don’t have the additional space to store the details.
When my two pre-teen daughters come to me with their broken toys for fixing I have trained them to tell me about it and then write it on a list that I keep in the kitchen with the note pad and pens. They are learning that I am always working off a list other wise I simply won’t remember.
My wife makes lists for me. You should try it with your man, tell him the headlines then write it down on a list somewhere in the kitchen, preferably close to where the food is kept. He may need a little encouragement to look at the list proactively but there is a much greater chance he will remember what you’ve asked of him if it is on a list.
I mentioned that men have a lot of hidden worries that they don’t share with other people. This is a huge part of being a man and the crux of this article. It’s something that women often don’t appreciate. You may feel excluded from your man’s heart because he won’t “open up”.
The way God intended
Hopefully what I say next will help you understand that he’s not shutting you out as much as he is problem solving the way God intended.
As usual there is always balance in these things and men desperately need to open up to their women and share things because that’s a healthy and important part of a loving and trusting relationship; however God made men this way. It’s something I have observed to be very difficult for some women to grasp. This is because God made women to talk through their problems and discuss them with other people, usually a girlfriend or a group of girlfriends. Every detail of the problem is up for grabs, every angle is analysed, and she thrashes that problem around until she gets her answer and in the process grows closer to the girls she took along for the ride. She’s a relational being.
Men do the exact opposite! They go silent. They retreat into a mental space where they internally grapple with the problem until they solve it, make a decision about it and then they come back out and move forward with their plan.
It’s that problem solving, ‘gotta come through’ type of thing that we have discussed in previous articles.
A lot of men feel condemned for not being able to communicate how they feel. If you can remember that he needs time alone to process then you can actually help him by encouraging him to go surfing, to the gym, play a game of golf, go for a motor bike ride or even to go camping for a night alone.
If he spends his time well, when he returns he will have much greater clarity and will be able to communicate with you clearer than you could have ever imagined.
When you push him too soon he will clam up, get angry, push you away
– and then he’ll feel terrible and you’ll feel even more alone.
I agree with you ladies, cricket is an awful sport, it’s boring and stupid but it may just be the alone time he’s craving to mentally sort out the things that have been worrying him.
Written by Mark Paul.
Want to find peace of mind? Watch this video, “Your Destiny Your Choice” and discover real peace.
There are differences between men and women! In this article the writer sought to give communication skills to help you understand the differences between men and women and how to communicate better and be a better communicator!
Understand inner shame and you will communicate more clearly