How do men think? How men think is differently to women. How men think is they like to problem solve. Men like to ‘fix’ things. Girls, if you’ve ever had trouble getting your man to listen, then this one’s for you…
How men think – men think different to women
Pregnancy is a happy time for most women right? I remember our excitement when we had our first baby, we were married at 21 and made a conscious decision to have children young so we would get our lives back earlier and still be young enough to enjoy them. Now, I realise that once you start pulling at the threads of that kind of logic it really doesn’t take long before its completely threadbare but we were young, we knew better than everyone else so leave me alone!
At 24 we were having children; our first was going to be Jessikah or Josiah depending on the sex but in reality this first baby was never meant to be. I know from first hand experience how miscarriage can be a very traumatic experience both physically and mentally because I had to stand by and watch my wife endure it. It’s a difficult thing to deal with at any age but as immature 24 year old it was tough. It was one of the first moments in my life when I had the acute feeling of needing to be ‘the man’ in a real life situation and to be honest I felt totally inadequate, under prepared and just downright lost. I couldn’t fix Roslyn no matter how hard I tried. When I look back at that time it is so clear to me that one of the God ordained parts of manhood was trying desperately to assert itself. The need to fix things!
How men think – Men are problem solvers and our first impulse when faced with brokenness is often to fix it.
The next year we got our Jessikah and the journey of parenthood had begun. Our next child came three years later and when she was born we named her Chloe.
Jessikah is 11 years old now with a little 8 year old sister and it seems that we have the perfect little family. Yes there is a lot of estrogen in our house. Yes some days I lose count of the different moods and yes, some moods I don’t even know the name of! But it’s ok because in a house with three women my need to fix things is well and truly met.
How men think – We men really do like to fix stuff.
We fix cars, well I don’t. That’s why God invented mechanics, but I do fix a LOT of broken toys, my girls think that Dad and a tube of super glue can change the world! I keep telling them it’s not true but they just keep breaking more toys.
A few years ago we decided it was time for me to make things final and get… ‘The Snip’!
We had been planning on this for a number of years but the timing or the money or some other thing always put it off till later.
No small measure of this postponement was due to my unwillingness to have another man, well… You understand.
Late last year we had a pretty big scare when we had a breakage in the ‘protection’ department and I literally felt my world closing in around me, we were to my reasoning, lucky when the cycles of nature had their way and I felt that all was as it should be in the world again. Nevertheless I became very motivated and made the booking for the snip the very next day! As my appointment with permanent contraception was beginning to loom large on the horizon I came home from work to one of the most surreal conversations I’ve ever had.
“Late for what?”
“You’re not listening, I’m LATE”
“Oh, that kind of late. But you got your period”
“Yeah but now I’m late this month”
“Um… Maybe your just late, these things happen don’t they?”
“Mark! I haven’t been late in 7 years.” <Insert tears>
In a strange parallel, the helpless feeling I had when Roslyn miscarried was the same helpless feeling I had when faced with her surprise pregnancy. There was nothing I could do to ‘fix’ her.
I can report that we are now very happy about our new little addition, we are having a boy and his name will be Josiah.
So what can you learn about your man from this story?
Even though I couldn’t fix the problem which made me very frustrated, I began to realize that in fact Roslyn didn’t need to be fixed, she just needed me to listen.
This is why you offer advice and then get annoyed when she keeps talking about it. She may even have heard you say something like this – “I told you what you need to do! If you don’t want to do it then what else can I do?”
Men and women really are different but the synergy that comes when a man and a woman come together and really listen to each other is truly amazing.
Woman – let your man know that by simply listening he is helping you fix the problem.
If you can remember this when all you want is for him to listen then you and he can begin to communicate on a much leveller playing field, he will begin to realize that it’s not always about the solution, sometimes its about hearing and understanding, and you can forgive him if he goes into fix-it mode because you realize that he’s only trying to help and to come through for you. It’s the way God made him!
How do men think? Men think is differently to women! How men think is they like to problem solve. Men like to ‘fix’ things. Girls did you find this helpful? Did you learn how men think?